Another End of Year Review
So having covered the training and triathlon bits of my year it is probably worth taking a look at how shit the rest of my life has been through this year and 2018.
In 2018 Tamarah and I had a miscarriage. I feel like that was the start of the decline in our relationship. Her response to that loss and her subsequent behaviour towards me and our relationship was the beginning of the end.
In 2019 my paternal grandmother died early in the year. This was the first family funeral I have been to in a long time (22 years?) but the statistics on that are likely to come round to a more averaged number soon as a lot of my extended family are seriously ill or ageing.
Then in the middle of the year Tamarah tried to start a fight with me over going to Romania for the European Championships. I have absolutely zero belief that Romania was the real issue, she just chose it as something that she knew would upset me to try and create an excuse for her to leave. When that didn't work, she ghosted her way out anyway. I went to work one day and when I came home our house was empty and she and all her things (and some of mine) were gone. She left a note full of false accusations and half truths to try and justify her behaviour. 6 months later she still refuses to communicate in any way and I had to resort to lawyers and sending her a divorce proposal.
I also quit my job. I was getting stressed by it and I knew it was contributing to problems at home. I thought by removing myself from that environment it would give us time to sort things out. But with Tamarah disappearing during my notice period we never got the chance to find out. I have taken a temporary part time delivery driving job to get me out of the house, but it is a waste of my skills and knowledge and getting back in to a 'proper' engineering job is proving harder than I had hoped.
Towards the end of the year my Granny's health has deteriorated and her memory is now in a terrible state. She has daily care visits now but staying in her own home is becoming a challenge. My Dad's health has also deteriorated towards the end of the year and he is now on very heavy doses of morphine.
And the final kick that 2019 decided to give me was that Dexter, my best pal for the last decade, has been ill for the last couple of months and he had to be put to sleep yesterday morning. I have hinted a few times here, and elsewhere, that he saved my life when I was suicidal and he deserves that I tell that whole story some day, but today I am too upset at losing him.
In 2018 Tamarah and I had a miscarriage. I feel like that was the start of the decline in our relationship. Her response to that loss and her subsequent behaviour towards me and our relationship was the beginning of the end.
In 2019 my paternal grandmother died early in the year. This was the first family funeral I have been to in a long time (22 years?) but the statistics on that are likely to come round to a more averaged number soon as a lot of my extended family are seriously ill or ageing.
Then in the middle of the year Tamarah tried to start a fight with me over going to Romania for the European Championships. I have absolutely zero belief that Romania was the real issue, she just chose it as something that she knew would upset me to try and create an excuse for her to leave. When that didn't work, she ghosted her way out anyway. I went to work one day and when I came home our house was empty and she and all her things (and some of mine) were gone. She left a note full of false accusations and half truths to try and justify her behaviour. 6 months later she still refuses to communicate in any way and I had to resort to lawyers and sending her a divorce proposal.
I also quit my job. I was getting stressed by it and I knew it was contributing to problems at home. I thought by removing myself from that environment it would give us time to sort things out. But with Tamarah disappearing during my notice period we never got the chance to find out. I have taken a temporary part time delivery driving job to get me out of the house, but it is a waste of my skills and knowledge and getting back in to a 'proper' engineering job is proving harder than I had hoped.
Towards the end of the year my Granny's health has deteriorated and her memory is now in a terrible state. She has daily care visits now but staying in her own home is becoming a challenge. My Dad's health has also deteriorated towards the end of the year and he is now on very heavy doses of morphine.
And the final kick that 2019 decided to give me was that Dexter, my best pal for the last decade, has been ill for the last couple of months and he had to be put to sleep yesterday morning. I have hinted a few times here, and elsewhere, that he saved my life when I was suicidal and he deserves that I tell that whole story some day, but today I am too upset at losing him.
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